The Argyll and Sutherland Highlanders (Princess Louise's)

'Sans Peur'       Argyll and Sutherland Highlanders red and white dicing       'Ne Obliviscaris'


Tom Barker

I can remember the nipple on the bottle,
when I would suck but nothing came out.
Then as I got older I pulled on a kettle,
and got scalded from the black spout.

I then got a belt on me lug 'ole,
but that didn’t ease the pain.
Although it was a classic reminder,
not to do the same thing again.

I got to be five by behaving,
and being more wick than me Dad.
Cos one of his favourite sayings was,
“Wun day ah’ll strangle that lad!”

One time we went to Cleethorpes,
and I told me Dad ah’d just seen a whale.
But he laughed and said it was me Mam
paddling in the cowd watter, quite pale.

Then I left school to begin working,
and the lasses began to take note.
Eyelashes fluttering like moths wings,
and unlike my chest, theirs began to bloat.

I could achieve a flat nose,
by simply walking into a brick wall.
But if any of the lasses tried it,
they bounced off like a rubber ball.

Then I joined the Army,
and Palestine was hot and sticky.
We were inside the wire fence.
and Arabs outside taking the micky.

WW2 reared its ugly head,
and I learned German real fast.
Cos not understanding the enemy,
I could be under the sod real fast.

But I eventually got home in one piece,
back to me Mam and me Dad.
Who said, “Let’s go to Cleethorpes.”
that’s when I went quiet mad.

“I’ve marched miles in the sandy desert,
where burping camels stink!
And if one puts a foot wrong,
it’s like disappearing down a sandy sink!”

I got home and married me sweetheart,
and now I live in Australia by the sea.
as far away from Sodjers an’ sand storms,
and Arabs begging 'baksheesh' from me.

Now I sit back and listen,
to Kookaburras in the tall trees.
And watch all the local wallabies,
searching each other for fleas.

There’s gold if one knows where to find it,
but where to begin first is the clue.
And if one keeps finding horseshoes and bullets,
its time to move to pastures new.

But gold cannot replace Freedom,
take my tip and live life while you can.
And enjoy the flowers and the sunshine,
and sling that gold miner's pan.

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