The Argyll and Sutherland Highlanders (Princess Louise's)

'Sans Peur'       Argyll and Sutherland Highlanders red and white dicing       'Ne Obliviscaris'


THE LAY OF THE MAD COOK SERGEANT

Anonymous
(CO's Barrack Inspection, Stirling Castle, July, 1951)

There are ghosts in Stirling Castle - as many of you guess,
There's a Lady dressed in jungle green who moans about the Mess
And a sinister dark Presence, who swirls at dead of night
Round the arches of the Back Post - giving young recruits a fright.
But the worst's the Mad Cook Sergeant - who noone's ever seen,
Though he always leaves a clue behind - to show where he has been.

The Saturday inspection team filed across the square,
The RSM strode in the lead - the CO in the rear,
And as they passed from place to place the Bugler blew a blast,
But when they got inside one room - the whole lot stood aghast.
The RSM stood speechless - the QM quietly awed,
The Adjutant said not a word - the CO's lips were pursed,
Until he pointed with his cane and said, " My goodness me,
Is that an egg upon that bed? Can that be what I see? "
The R.S.M. recovered first, saluted, stepped aside.
"Correct, Sir! It's an egg indeed and what is more well fried.
I'll have its owner in the Punt - on Section 82.
Leaving an egg on duty - I think that charge should do! "
The Adjutant said " Quite - quite - quite! " and then "It seems to me,
The only way to get that chap is Section 93!
That egg's improperly turned out! It hasn't got a plate!
I've never seen an Army Egg in such an idle state!
But what completely fixes me is how it got in here!"
"There's not a soldier in this room - now what do you think, Sir?"
The CO hadn't got a clue - but then the Bugler said
"It's the Mad Cook Sergeant's message, Sir - there's dirty work ahead!"
And hardly had he spoken when a runner said "And How!
The General's just arrived, Sir - and he wants to see you now!!"

MORAL:
Kind reader, don't discount this; it's absolutely true,
One day the Mad Cook Sergeant may lay an egg for you.


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