THE LAY OF THE MAD COOK SERGEANT
(CO's Barrack Inspection, Stirling Castle, July, 1951)
There are ghosts in Stirling Castle - as many of you guess,
There's a Lady dressed in jungle green who moans about the Mess
And a sinister dark Presence, who swirls at dead of night
Round the arches of the Back Post - giving young recruits a fright.
But the worst's the Mad Cook Sergeant - who noone's ever seen,
Though he always leaves a clue behind - to show where he has been.
The Saturday inspection team filed across the square,
The RSM strode in the lead - the CO in the rear,
And as they passed from place to place the Bugler blew a blast,
But when they got inside one room - the whole lot stood aghast.
The RSM stood speechless - the QM quietly awed,
The Adjutant said not a word - the CO's lips were pursed,
Until he pointed with his cane and said, " My goodness me,
Is that an egg upon that bed? Can that be what I see? "
The R.S.M. recovered first, saluted, stepped aside.
"Correct, Sir! It's an egg indeed and what is more well fried.
I'll have its owner in the Punt - on Section 82.
Leaving an egg on duty - I think that charge should do! "
The Adjutant said " Quite - quite - quite! " and then "It seems to me,
The only way to get that chap is Section 93!
That egg's improperly turned out! It hasn't got a plate!
I've never seen an Army Egg in such an idle state!
But what completely fixes me is how it got in here!"
"There's not a soldier in this room - now what do you think, Sir?"
The CO hadn't got a clue - but then the Bugler said
"It's the Mad Cook Sergeant's message, Sir - there's dirty work ahead!"
And hardly had he spoken when a runner said "And How!
The General's just arrived, Sir - and he wants to see you now!!"
Kind reader, don't discount this; it's absolutely true,
One day the Mad Cook Sergeant may lay an egg for you.